I call myself an addict, I have Bipolar and ADHD. I never thought my life would be turned topsy-turvy like this. I never thought that I would ever wind up in this predicament. As it is with all stories there is always an innocent beginning. Well, here is mine.

I began school like any other 3 year old in 1997 and life seemed blissful, serene and just so easy. I had no worries bout the future, everything fell right. This continued throughout my early childhood until I turned 10. I had just joined grade 6 and was adjusting to the new environment quite well. With time I began to realize that I was noticing and getting attracted to girls. I was finally growing into a man.

While in grade eight I began to form and create a character, which I felt suited my identity. I began to morph into a “bad boy” image. I had always thought that girls lusted after such boys while in school. So I grew out my hair which was never combed, the ultimate symbol of rebellion. I also began dating at the peak of my rebelliousness along with sneaking out for parties. These parties were an open ticket to access sex, drugs and alcohol. In the beginning however, I refrained from indulging myself with alcohol and drugs and preferred to dance away through the night. The most I got during those parties was the opportunity to try out naughty things with girls.

Soon, I realized that the older I got, the sweeter the party life and the sexier the women got. At this juncture, I decided to dive deep into the fun. I indulged in heavy alcohol use to make me bold, weed to calm me and cocaine to make me invincible. Women came in throngs. My life then was all about party, booze, drugs and women. Interestingly, I was more attracted to older women than the young inexperienced once.

At first it never crossed my mind that I would become a drug addict and alcoholic. I thought to myself that no problem could ever arise from my drinking. Hey! This was what life was all about. Partying hard and enjoying life. I felt justified and deserving to enjoy all these pleasures. It felt so good; nothing else in my life had ever felt better than this. One year of pure bliss, became two years of abusing alcohol and drugs. Then it became five years of not living without alcohol and drugs.

My first rehab experience was a total failure. My father, through the counsel of his close friend agreed to have me forcefully admitted in a rehab that his friend owned and ran with his wife. It was a big house situated in a suburban middle- lower class estate within Nairobi.

I was never focused or interested with what was going on. Sessions were done in groups. The rest of the day was spent basking in the sun feeding chicken and chatting away reminiscing about our past escapades (funny how we addicts try to outdo each others with our experiences, if we only knew!) I never bothered to put any effort in trying to fit into the “program”. I just wanted out. I managed to master the art of manipulation to get things done and get what I wanted. I even managed to have my share of a good time while in there. Saturdays were spent between personal shopping and attending AA meetings, my attitude towards such meetings was again very negative, I thought of them as a place people went to share and express self-pity and feel remorse for their pathetic lives. I felt disgust at what they were doing and loathing for that place.

Occasionally, my head rang with familiar sweet voices, reminding me of our wonderful times together. These thoughts made me so thirsty, craving for the sweetness of cold beer and the high of marijuana and cocaine. These cravings kept invoking me to get out of that place.

One day, as my first month at the facility was coming to an end, we received visitors at the facility. They introduced themselves as a voluntary social-work group that specialized in testing and counseling on HIV and AIDs. After a group session based on knowing about HIV and its relation to addiction we were all advised to do HIV tests. Ten minutes after I walked in for testing, my worst fears were confirmed. Yes, I was HIV positive.